Saturday, November 14, 2015

A Tale of Two Toilets

     One of my favorite hobbies when visiting a new town is to get one of those "Maps of the Stars". Unfortunately this was Indianapolis, so I had to settle for the next best thing. Finding the best temporary restrooms that the hub of the Midwest had to offer. 

My quest now focused, I had to set up a game-plan on where to find the most outstanding human waste receptacles. The desk clerk at the La-Quinta, Darren (I made this up, he looked like a Darren though), mentioned a half marathon was being held the following day. Holy porta-potty Christmas! I rushed down to the race expo and promptly signed up for the half marathon. 

The biggest fear I had was that I would not be able to review the porta-johns in their pristine near mint condition. Come on you can't review fairly review one at Day 4 of Bonnaroo. To get my first choice I snuck up to the starting line and waited for the gun. I hid amongst the lead group of runners for 6 miles passing 6 mile mark in approximately 29:50. There it was. Just as I had imagined. Nestled in a row of identicals. 
My review follows.

Porta-Potty #1
Location: Pennsylvania & 21 st
Condition: 5, perfect logged service record, fully functioning spin lock
Neighborhood: 4.5 residential, admittedly a bit squeezed for space with approximately 15 others pressed together
Technology: 3.5, I reserve 4+ for ones that have a wind powered fan integrated into the windows
Odor: 4.5 , blue smelling
Availability: 3, the first two were occupied or permanently locked 
Recommend to others: a great representative to Indianapolis

Exiting the first stop I returned to running with a group of men who were running roughly 5:20 per mile, towards the next porta-john. Worried this group might delay my next review I allowed them run ahead of me starting from about the 8 mile mark. 

Porta-Potty #2
Location: Meridian & 30th st
Condition: 4, definitely more utilitarian than style oriented
Neighborhood: 4, classic mixed-use industrial just outside downtown neighborhood ripe for gentrification, only 2 other porta-johns shared this space
Technology: 3, basic clean good representation of the minimalist urban design theme
Odor: 5*, the asterisk is for the fact that it was pretty windy at this point and clearly played a role in this category, but maybe that's what the race organizers had in mind
Availability: 5, first try, no knocking or aggressive door pulls during my review
Recommend to others: a must for the adventurous voider

Finding myself about 3 miles to the finish of the event, I couldn't justify not finishing the event. I ran the obligatory final three miles as the official time clock read 1:11:something.  I can honestly say that Indianapolis was a surprisingly great review site. I would like to thank my sponsors Charmin and Indianapolis Metro Waste Systems for allowing me to pursue my goals, dreams and basic human needs. 
-Real Deal Neil McD

1 comment:

  1. Invest with 400$ and get a returns of 10,000$ within seven business working days.
    Why wasting your precious time online looking for a loan? When there is an opportunity for you to invest with 400$ and get a returns of 10,000$ within seven business working days. Contact us now for more information if interested on how you can earn big with just little amount. This is all about investing into Crude Oil and Gas Business.