Friday, October 25, 2013

The Pikes Peak Road Runners Fall Series #2: Attack of the Killah Bees!

At the last race, RD Larry "Sadist" Miller and the Fall Series brought to you the polluted creek of Monument Valley. This time it was Bear Creek Regional Park--just with rabid bees rather than bears. Other than not going into anaphylactic shock due to bee stings, the good news is that the government is back in business and the barricades were lifted so that the runners could climb, descend, scramble, creek jump and scale hillsides in a single bound (with the aid of ropes, of course).

With our commentator, Simon "Gute" Gutierrez being out of town to pace his mother to a sub-30-minute 10k (yes, she is fast, too!), we had to mental telepathize the race participants to get the commentary.


Last time the runners contracted the Monument Valley Creek Cough...what will it be this time?


Initiate telepathizer!


Big McD: "I hope nobody notices that I am scratching my ass in public."




Everyone: "Who's this gingerbread man who's showing off some midriff while taking out the race like someone is going to eat him?"



+
=


Gingerbread Man: "You'd also be running this fast if you looked this delicious and nutritious!"


editor's note: The gingerbread man was just a rabbit, he didn't want to get his yellow and orange frosting soggy in the creek water.


Tim Bergsten (PikesPeakSports.us): "ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, START OF FALL SERIES 2, WE'RE IN BEAR CREEK PARK...GOOD JOB BOYS!" (Just watch the video so he doesn't have to repeat himself.)





Unsuspecting runners discovered that the secret obstacle was a hive of angry Africanized bees. Not good for people who have a lot of exposed skin.

Innocent Runner: "Oh...huff, hufff...there is a bee hive...hufff...someone is going to get stung...hufff...I better put my jacket over it so that doesn't happen."


Angry Bees: "ANGRY...MUST STING!!!!!"



Unsuspecting recipient of bee stings: "Ohhhh....beeeeees, ahhhhh! It stung my eyeeeee! AHHHHHHH!"


Larry Miller: "HAHA, I love it when these courses devour people!!!!"


Angry Bees: "SHOULDN'T...HAVE...DONE...THAT.....NOW.......I........DIE....or merely get jobbed out of the WWF."


While in racing news...


Big McD: "Oh shit...Axel is getting away...whoa, Killer Bees...I love that duo!"




Axel: "La la laaaaa...this is so much easier compared to last weekend in Italy...what bees are you talking about...I don't see any bees...plus, I am moving at 5:00-min/mile pace, bees are slow."




The Prez: "Oh Shit, I can't stop for beer at this beer station, Justin is on my ass...but there's BEER! [contemplatively] I hope that was a fly that just went into my shirt....




The PrezWhere are my feet!? I don't see my feet!!


Justin: "Oh shit, a beer station, Peter is definitely going to stop there. I'll catch him there for sure!"





Axel: "And they thought that only those silly looking lizards could do this, ha!"



Lizard: "Don't call me silly...I weigh more than you do!"




Axel: "OK, this is more like Limone, just without some Spanish guy named 'Hornet'."



Big McD: "Now I really wish I had some of those fancy Inov-8 X-talon 212's that The Prez is wearing."



Big McD: "This is what a Heisman winner looks like...."




Big McD: "...and my next impression...Jesse Owens!"






Chef l'équipe: "I am glad I took the rope out from in between my legs--those people are really tugging back there! Sheesh!"


Big McD: "Give me your lunch money, kid!"



Axel: "Nooooooo, I neeeeeed MILK...for strong bones!"


Team Colorado sweeps the top 4 spots with Axel, Big McD, The Prez and Justin....who looks a little worse for the wear after the killah bees and creek crossings.

THE TEAM PHOTO!


Results
PikesPeakSports.us article

Monday, October 21, 2013

A Complete Breach of Apiarian Trust

If you've run any race in Colorado Springs over the years, you've got to know Alex Nichols by now. Heck, he's won or claimed to have won almost every race in town. He's great. Right? Let's investigate. 


I am teammates with Alex, or at least I thought that was the case until this past Sunday. Classic Midwest charm exudes from his every pore.



As we prepared for the start of the race Alex seemed to be speaking in code.
“You’re gonna bee really sorry after this one.”
“Those hills are going to really sting.”
“Someone might win a yellow jacket after this one.”

Honestly I thought he was just paying homage to my alma mater, Georgia Tech (3-2 in ACC conference play).


Little did I know that Alex had likely strategically positioned a virulent nest of swarming vermin bound to be trampled by unsuspecting Fall Series survivors. As we ran abreast over the crest of the first big hill, Alex says to me “You have to run behind me for this part.” I could see him stomp hard on a patch of dirt with his taloned Inov-8’s. Thankfully I never clear the wax out of my ears. So I just just pointed to my clogged ear canals and pulled into the lead.

With one mile left in the race I knew something was wrong. Mainly because everyone was yelling “BEEEEES!”

The first thought that came to my mind was “Alex”. And you know what? I’m probably right.

Do you trust this guy?



Or this guy?


I rest my case.

Big McD


All above statements are made purely in the name of slander.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Who's Christopher Columbus? Feels more like Stevie Kremer Day!

On the week of the American Federal holiday, Columbus Day, named for someone that didn't actually go by that name when he was alive, we celebrate the real adventurers...because discovering something after it has already been discovered is like walking into someone else's house and telling them "I LIVE HERE NOW!!!"

LIMONE SKYRUNNING EXTREME - SKYRUNNING FINALE

Not Ants...Runners!                                  photo: Organisation Press Office

In the finale of the 2013 Skyrunning World Series in Limone, Italy (and all along we thought that US Baseball had that title) Axel Nichols and Stevie "Sunshine" Kremer were given Limone...and so they made Lemonade! They then added their winnings to that and came out with a Bellini-esque concoction, courtesy of their new friend Valdo...but let's not put the cart before the horse.


 Axel is deep in German conversation just before the start        photo: Limone Skyrunning Xtreme

The Limone Extreme race took place in the small mountain-side town of Limone along the picturesque Lake Garda and consisted of over 6,000 feet of climbing over a 23.5k distance. Although, it must have seemed like so much longer on such a steep climb as this. (Note: Do not watch this video if you get motion sickness--or just brace yourself and have a barf bag handy, the helicopter views are a doozie!)


Axel Nichols and fellow Inov-8 and Stoic Viking teammate, Florian Reichert, show how to keep calm even while a women is pretending she is your cranial conjoined twin   photo: ISF

Axel went into the final race of the series in 4th place and, with a 8th place performance at Limone Extreme, he secured his name (spell it correctly, A-X-E-L) in the annals of the International Skyrunning Federation with a podium finish of 3rd (226.2 points). 


Axel attempting to pass a large moss monster...Axel succeeded         photo: Limone Skyrunning Xtreme

Axel participated in the following Skyrunning World Series races: Zagama Aizkorri (well, he started that one, anyway), Mont Blanc Marathon (7th), Pikes Peak Marathon (2nd) and Limone Extreme (8th). Even though Axel didn't have as many points as 5th place series finisher, Jokin Lizeaga Mitxelena (not a made up name), he secured the 3rd place series rank because the top 3 scores were tallied to determine the overall standings. Best of three!!!
Podium of the Skyrunning World Series (L to R) Luis Alberto Hernando, Kilian "Hornet" Jornet and Axel Nichols. Axel did not get the not-shaving-for-a-month memo.              photo: Limone Skyrunning Xtreme

Axel then drank his prize with a little Limone.

They do not give out glasses in Limon, only large VALDO bottles in which to drink out of     photo: Natalie White

Axel getting the red carpet treatment as he finishes                                 photo: Ian Corless

Stevie went over to Italy sitting in 2nd place in the Skyrunning World Series rankings, down by only by a mere 10 points behind Emelie Forsberg, and worked her magic on that craggy mountain. 

Stevie shows off her color-coordniated leg tape to all the men as she passes them            photo: Droz Photo

With a big will and a small lump (on her lower back), Stevie held 2nd place on the steep climb...then she made her move on the technical downhill section, won the race and put more seven minutes on the next finisher, Antonella Confortola (2:53:58). Forsberg finished 3rd in 2:54:54.


Brilliant Surgeon: "You know, I am brilliant surgeon, I can help you remove that hump." Stevie: "What hump!?"       photo: Ski & Run

Stevie bowled a perfect game (if this was bowling) with a perfect score of 320 (20 bonus points for the win at Limone Extreme). She competed in Zagama Aizkorri (3rd), Mont Blanc Marathon (1st), Pikes Peak Marathon (1st), and Limone Extreme (1st, CR).

Football players (American, not European) don't even get this much attention!              photo: Ian Corless




Stevie was running so fast that she almost lost her drawers (don't believe us, check out 11:45 into the video by sporrtdimontagna). Maybe it was due to her friend, Lumpy?

The women's Limone Extreme podium (L to R) Antonella Confortola, Stevie "Sunshine" Kremer, Emelie "Hot Pants" Forsberg   photo: Limone Skyrunning Xtreme

With her time of 2:46:13, Stevie set a new course record and with that performance she has been anointed with a new holiday: Stevie Kremer Day! She celebrated with her friend Valdo.

From here forth, October 14th is declared Stevie Kremer Day! No more City in Ohio day.

YEAHHH, World Series Champion!                                  photo: Limone Skyrunning Xtreme
Team Colorado's Axel Nichols and Stevie Kremer put the 'merica into America                      photo: Ian Corless
Runner's World cheddar
International Skyrunning Federation

CHICAGO MARATHON

Glenn "Pulling a GR" Randall took on the Chicago Marathon last weekend, where the winning time was a scorching 2:03:45 by Kenyan Dennis Kimetto. Wow! We are not sure he even attempted to Pull a GR with that kind of speed.




Randall, who has been tied up in Physics midterms, told us he was fairly-to-somewhat confident with his preparation for Chicago. "I'm going in with roughly the same confidence I went with into a midterm last Thursday. Pre-midterm grade in the class is apparently 139%, and I'm very confident that I got in the A range for the exam. So, I figure if it worked at Pikes Peak (in 2010) and it worked on that exam, maybe it'll work here?"

It seemed to work! He finished in 32nd place overall with a very respectable 2:21:32.

Result

STEAMTOWN MARATHON


One of our newest additions to Team Colorado, James "Mr." Burns (Colorado Springs, CO), takes on the marathon distance in his sophomore showing. 


Mr. Burns headed out to his birth state to run the Steamtown Marathon in Scranton, PA (as well as to hang out with the similarly last-named Matt Byrne and the rest of the cast of The Office). He managed a PR and 3rd place overall, running 2:26:38. 


He was plotting it all along!
2:26:38, Mwhahahahahahahhhhh!

Results

MINE TO MINE CHALLENGE 9K

Simon "Gute" Gutierrez was back to his old self (no pun intended) when he again ran the Mine to Mine 9k Challenge in Cripple Creek, CO. Last year Gute struck gold in the Mine to Mine Challenge and created a gold tooth out of the gold nugget he won. He repeated his performance again this year with a 3rd place finish in a time of 29:47. 

Last year...a gold tooth. This year...another gold tooth, and in 12 more years...a gold grill!

Gute showing a lot of skin at this race...he usually tends to underdress     photo: PikesPeakSports.us
Gute gave us the lowdown on the race:

"The weather was perfect for a gold mining expedition....two young gunning prospectors went out at 4:07 (Joe Gay) and 4:27 (Richard Medina). I took it careful not to hurt my old hamstrings at 4:46 (especially thinking old sexy had pulled his...Gerald)...by 2 miles Joe and Richard were beyond eye sight and I was happy to not see any one behind me. So, as a wise old prospector, I did not try to get greedy and wish for more gold, instead I relaxed (15:52 through 5km), enjoyed the run and was surprised to run a minute faster than last year. Now I officially have 2 gold nuggets!! Saving up for a rainy day or some new gold teeth..."


Gute showing off his gold nug with RD Shaun Finley (L) and Joe Gray (aquamarine)        photo: PikesPeakSports.us
Results

Friday, October 11, 2013

The Pikes Peak Road Runners Fall Series #1: How can you NOT get Giardia if you participate in this race?

On Sunday, October 6, 2013 a few Team Colorado members, and 370 of their closest running friends, took to the trail and creek in race #1 of the Pikes Peak Road Runners Fall Series.

The 5K (actually, 3.7 mile) race started in Monument Valley Park (Colorado Springs, CO--the #1 most affected city in the US by the Gov. shutdown--take note Boehner!) and our very own Simon "Gute" Gutierrez commentated the race, as he avoids anything technical and, besides, his Hokas would have drowned and taken him down with them in the polluted creek. 

IN A STRONG COMMENTATORS VOICE (not Gute's soft voice): 

HERE WE ARE AT THE 35TH ANNUAL PIKES PEAK ROAD RUNNERS FALL SERIES AND THE RUNNERS ARE LINED UP ON THE GRASSY KNOLL OF MONUMENT VALLEY PARK IN GOOD OL' BANKRUPT COLORADO SPRINGS. 

HERE WE GO... THE GUN...NAY...THE LOUD SCREAM "GO" IS CALLED OUT AND THEY ARE OFF!!! BALLS TO THE WALL! IT LOOKS LIKE A MILE RACE UP FRONT! TEAM COLORADO'S NEIL "BIG McD" McDONAGH AND JUSTIN "DON'T CALL ME RICK JUSTINS" RICKS TAKE THE RACE OUT FAST, LIKE A DOWNHILL MILE, LIKE A FRESHMAN MALE IN HIS FIRST HIGH SCHOOL CROSS COUNTRY RACE. 
Ricks (L) and Big McD (R) make a Bowman-sandwich out of Scott Boweman (C), with Dan "Brown" Vega (in blue), Andrew Hugill (florecent green) and Pikes Peak chasing                              photo: PikesPeakSports.us

THERE IS PETER "THE PREZ" MAKSIMOW--IS HE RACING AGAIN!?--AND AXEL NICHOLS SITTING IN 10TH AND 11TH. OH, THERE IS A GUY WITH..."BORN...TO..WHINE" ON HIS UNIFORM. NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT LET'S HOPE HE DOESN'T WHINE WHEN THEY HIT THE CREEK. THERE IS BRANDON "STANKANOWICH" STAPANOWICH...HE JUST COMPLETED PU: THE STANK, WHERE HE RAN UP AND DOWN PIKES PEAK FOUR TIMES IN 41 HOURS 47 MINUTES FOR A TOTAL OF 96 MILES ONLY ONE WEEK AGO!! LET'S HOPE HIS LEGS DON'T FALL OFF.
The Prez, Axel and one of the Hanson brothers can't keep up with the lead pack            photo: PikesPeakSports.us

THE RACERS HEAD NORTH, CROSS A BRIDGE OVER MONUMENT CREEK AND CONTINUE SOUTH. IT'S STRINGING OUT NOW! BIG McD IS INCHING AWAY FROM THE LEAD PACK, USING HIS 4:05 BRISTOL MILE SPEED. HE HITS THE FIRST MILE ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CREEK IN ABOUT 4:50. WOW! IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE SUPERHERO THE FLASH, JUST WITH WITHOUT THE FULL BODY SUIT!

OK, JUST WASTING TIME NOW, ENJOYING THE WARM WEATHER. THAT CREEK LOOKS POLLUTED, YUCK! IT CLOSELY RESEMBLES THAT SCENE IN STAR WARS WHERE LUKE, HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA AND PRINCESS LEIA GET TRAPPED IN THE GIANT TRASH COMPACTOR.
A very appropriate depiction of Monument Creek
"What an incredible smell you've discovered!"
                                                     -Han Solo

AND NOW BIG McD GRABS SOME WATER AT A STRANGE AID STATION...OR WHAT HE THINKS IS WATER...AND NOW HE THROWS THE CUP AND GESTICULATES SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF "THAT'S NOT WATER!" I BELIEVE HE NOW REALIZES IT WAS  A BEER STATION, COMPLIMENTS OF RED LEG BREWING COMPANY ON THE OVER-POPULATED GARDEN OF THE GODS ROAD.

AXEL IS NOW SLOWY MOVING UP AMONG THE FIELD AND GAINING ON RICKS, WHO IS HOLDING 4TH POSITION. DAN VEGA IS OFF THE SHOULDER OF THE PREZ IN 7TH AND 8TH POSITION, OHHHH, AND VEGA PULLS UP WITH WHAT APPEARS TO BE A PULLED HAMSTRING...THAT'S HEARTBREAKING! AND NOW THE PREZ HAS STOPPED...IS HE OUT...NO, JUST REFUELING AT THE BEER STATION--TYPICAL.

AS BIG McD ENTERS THE CREEK, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH HE JUST HIT A BRICK WALL! NOW OTHER RUNNERS ARE TAKING THE PLUNGE, LITERALLY. AND DOWN GOES RICKS!!!! OH, NOOOOO, IT LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SEVERED HIS THUMB ON A RUSTY PIECE OF REBAR IN THE CREEK...HE BETTER GET A TENTNUS SHOT...AND A GIARDIA, SYPHILIS AND GONORRHEA SHOT, JUST IN CASE. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE. THAT LOOKS BAD! 
Axel goes for a swim...just balls deep, though                              photo: PikesPeakSports.us

AXEL!!! IT'S AXEL TAKING THE LEAD AFTER BEING IN THE WATER FOR ONLY A MINUTE! HE IS LIKE A PIRANHA OR A RABID JAWS! THE WATER HAS CHANGED THE WHOLE DYNAMIC OF THE RACE! NOW THE PREZ IS MOVING INTO 3RD, NOW 2ND, NOW BACK TO 3RD, NOW 4TH, 3RD AGAIN...THAT STOP AT THE BEER STATION MUST REALLY HAVE WORKED! 


IT'S CHAOS, HEADS BOBBING THEN DISAPPEARING INTO THE WATER, SOME NECK DEEP...GROSS WATER, DID I MENTION THAT? ALL SORTS OF STYROFOAM, BROKEN GLASS AND SODA BOTTLES OF ALL BRANDS ARE ABUNDANT ON THE BANKS. WE KNOW THERE IS DEFINITELY REBAR IN THERE, PROBABLY A FINGER FLOATING AROUND SOMEWHERE. HYPODERMIC NEEDLES, PERHAPS!?
Big McD says, "Go ahead, take the lead, find the deep spots...you'll just fall into them"           photo: PikesPeakSports.us

AXEL IS THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE WATER, THEN ONE OF THE HANSON BROTHERS, FOLLOWED BY THE PREZ, ANDREW HUGILL AND CARLOS RUIBAL...WHERE ARE THE REST OF TEAM COLORADO!? 

OH, WE SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS...BRANDON STANKANOWICH HAS DECIDED TO DO ANOTHER DEATH-DEFYING STUNT--HE IS PERFORMING BURPEES IN THE CREEK! I UNDERSTAND THE STANK, BUT THIS IS TAKING IT TOO FAR. THAT'S A BOLD MOVE! HE BETTER GO TO THE CLINIC WITH JUSTIN AND GET A FEW VACCINATIONS.
Stankanowich, pushing the boundaries...burpees in the creek...yuck!             photo: PikesPeakSports.us

NOW IT SEEMS THAT EVERYONE IS DANCING, THROWING THEIR HANDS UP IN THE AIR...AND RAISING THE ROOF...LIKE THEY JUST DON'T CARE...UHHH, NA NAHH NA NAHHHHH!

The Prez raisin' the roof!                                               photo: PikesPeakSports.us







Yes, that is blood from a missing finger and not a red satin glove on his hand....RAISE THE ROOF!                         photo: PikesPeakSports.us
Big McD sings, "I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky...." as he dances through the creek             photo: PikesPeakSports.us



Amy "Chef l'√©quipe" Perez dances the Saturday Night Fever in solidarity with Team Colorado                       photo: PikesPeakSports.us

NOW THEY HAVE LESS THAN A MILE TO GO, BUT I CAN'T SEE THEM SO I WILL JUST TWIDDLE MY THUMBS AND WAIT AT THE FINISH LINE. 


Later...at the finish line...

IT LOOKS LIKE AXEL NICHOLS WILL TAKE THE WIN IN 24:21, FOLLOWED BY PETER "THE PREZ" MAKSIMOW IN 3RD IN 25:01. RICKS AND BIG McD MAKE UP SOME TIME AND FINISH 6TH AND 7TH IN 26:01 AND 26:03. AFTER COMPLETING HIS 30 BURPEES, STANKANOWICH COMES IN AT 29:48. JUSTIN RICKS WINS THE COVETED RED GLOVE AWARD BY ALMOST SEVERING A THUMB IN THE CREEK...DID I MENTION IT WAS GROSSLY POLLUTED!? 

SHOUT OUT TO TEAM "THE BLERCH": AMY, NORA, SARAH, BOBBI (NOT BROWN) AND A QUICK RECOVERY FOR DENISE RICKS, WHO GOT THE SHAFT (REBAR, THAT IS) THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THE SHOE, AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO SUSTAINED INJURIES. I AM SORRY TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ALL NOW DISEASED. 

NOW YOU SEE WHY I DON'T DO THESE RACES!!??
Nice butt Big McD!                                                      photo: PikesPeakSports.us

Results